How to Suck at the Halo 3 Beta

By Liam O'Connor

Liam explains why even his decent Halo 'skillz' results in death – and pure FUN!

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There are many things that make me smile in glee, but there are few things that get me to giggle like a schoolgirl on nitrous oxide. When I was informed that we had the Halo 3 Beta in the office, I cackled, I danced a jig, I chomped at the bit – and then I took my lazy ass on foot to the office to play it.

When I got to the office, I found bossman Ron playing Halo 3. My envious puppy-dog eyes must have given away my yearning, as he promptly handed me the controller. (Although, it could have been because he was losing.)

“Snowbound. Slayer. Bottom position. My Halo ‘skillz’ shan’t fail me.”

Or maybe they would. It’s not because I didn’t know Snowbound. Sure, it took me a while to figure out that there was actually an underground section – and it also took me a while to realise that the shield in front of each entry acted in a similar fashion to the now infamous bubble-shield – but that wasn’t the problem. The problem was that I was so used to playing Halo 2 that when I tried to pick up a weapon, I wasn’t pushing RB; I was pushing X.

Of course, the irony is that when I went home later on to play Halo – I was in the mood; I’m reading the books – that I was pushing RB to try and reload. It really doesn’t take long for it to feel natural.

But I digress; after my initial obstacle was overcome, I quickly discovered that I was doing okay at Halo 3. I quickly managed to reclaim a respectable position in the rankings – and I became quite proud of myself.

That is until I played the next round. I quickly encountered some people who knew the maps – and what they were doing. I realised that the Brute Spikers can be duel-wielded to great effect. I realised that the Spartan Laser is ridiculously powerful, but also useless unless your opponent doesn’t know you’re there. I realised that when Bungie said that people would cry, “Oh sh*t! He has the Needler!” and it wouldn’t be sarcastic, they weren’t kidding. (Seriously, that weapon lives up to the potential it had in the novels).

The problem is that I didn’t realise that there was an increased focus on tactics in Halo 3. You can still run and gun if you want, but you’re going to get your ass handed to you faster than you can say, “THE BETA ONLY LASTS THREE WEEKS!” In all honesty, if you’re not thinking like a Spartan, you shouldn’t even be playing.

Naturally, after a fair while of playing, I got pretty decent at sniping and throwing the new UNSC sticky needler grenades – on a side note, I also got used to only being able to carry two grenades of each type – and I got pretty good at knowing that if I left the area I would get gunned down by guardians. In short, I got used to playing Halo 3. If you think it’s a pretty Halo 2, you’re a fanboy making assumptions.

That’s not to say I didn’t get my ass kicked. I still turned my back when I shouldn’t have. I still sucked with the UNSC sniper rifle. And I still can’t figure out how to steal a driven vehicle – although that is probably my gibbon nature coming to the surface.

However, most of these ‘problems’ could be because I’m a team player by nature. As I told bossman Ron, I don’t seek glory. I take more satisfaction in covering the flag carrier than I do carrying. I know my part; it’s a shame others don’t.

You see, in Team Slayer, I can accept I suck. I can kill and contribute, but I’ll never be Number One. However, in One Bomb, the assault mode, I can effectively cover the bomb carrier in the new map Valhalla: the Halo 3 equivalent of Blood Gulch. (The best bit is jumping up the side of our structure and launching myself from the Man Cannon with the missile launcher – it takes you into a third-person perspective – and raining death from above.) I can do my job as part of a team.

Unfortunately, the current Beta peeps are stupid. One fantastic quote I heard – as I single-handedly planted the bomb and won the match – was in reference to whether or not we actually wanted the bomb. It was even worse in Territories, when my entire team bailed and I was left to face a team of four by myself. I held my own as much as I could – screw you, Wolf Snatcher; die – but it’s hard to win when you’re learning the map and you’re all alone against three Sergeants: one of the better ranks in the new military-based system. The bottom line is that I am waiting for the final release, when team players join the fray, before I feel like I’m in my element.

So back to the Rumble Pit I went. Sure, I sucked – and I couldn’t even blame the lag, because there was none – but it had to be better than trying to hold the fort by myself. So I played a few matches in High Ground, the map everyone saw in the vidoc: the one with the wall and the chaingun. Now, let me say, you can actually get past it rather easily, Return to Castle Wolfenstein style – and that’s awesome. However, while balanced, it’s still a difficult map. There are lots of areas to allow yourself to be subject to ganking or assassination – plenty of ways to drop your guard.

Unlike Snowbound, there is also little reprieve – there are no bubble-shield doors to hide behind. If you are getting gunned down in the open, you will die. If the person who isn’t shooting you doesn’t get you, the person capitalised on your shield's weakness will. And don’t even think about throwing down the Power Drainer in a last resort; it’ll kill you as well.

However, at the end of the day, even though I was dying and dying, I did get better. I started to adjust, I stared to learn, and I started to kill people. Sure, I swore, I gnawed on the controller – and thank God it’s not mine – and I basically looked like a child who didn’t get his hot chocolate. (If you don’t get it, you’re not a Halo fan.) But I had fun – more fun than I’ve had with a video game in a long, long time. I gave Gears of War a score of 9.3. I gave Viva Piñata a score of 9.4. I had more fun with the Halo 3 Beta than both these games. In fact, while writing this feature and not playing the Beta, I feel tortured.

Those of you who bought Crackdown – or those of you lucky enough to get an invite in other ways – will be able to play it soon enough. You’ll be able to experience first-hand what I am relating to you now – unless, of course, you are a Halo ninja. You’ll be able to experience pure joy: the best gaming can get. You’ll be able to realise why Halo 3 will be the game of this generation. I just hope you don’t suck and die as much as I did.

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ReplyPosted by cute_maori on 19 November 2008, 06:28PM

You could just be a noob and stink.