stupidlikeafox's Blogs

Trash talk 101

Published: Thu 28 Aug, 2008 | 34 Comments
Tags: far cry, street fighter, johnny 5, being cheap

I'm a very keen multiplayer enthusiast. Only I like being in the same room as my opponent/s.
Not only does that mean you're generally playing with your closest friends, but I find it adds a very important extra component to any round of Mortal Kombat or Halo free-for-all... Trash talk.

Now if you've played opponents online who have mics, you can tell it's easy for pre-pubescent children who shouldn't be playing R16 games in the first place to string together a few profanities, question someone's sexuality, or say something about their Mother in a calous manner - but there is much more to it than that. Good trash talk gets under an opponent's skin. It blinds them with rage. And wins you the match.

Have you noticed that when you're p***ed off in a game you generally are the one losing? Well, get your opponents in the right frame of mind, and then they'll be the ones generally losing. And guess what, if your opponents are losing... That means someone is winning. ...Wait. YOU'RE someone. You could be that someone winning!

"Hey Foxy, I know how to trash talk. I call them something like ***** *** ****tard!" Well good sir/madam, you are a n00b.
Boooooooo n00b. EPIC FAIL. Etc. Meaningless hollow insults are taken with a grain of salt and are as common in a multiplayer match and as effective as other sayings such as, "Anyone want another Coke" or "My retinae don't feel too good". You might as well say in a monotone voice, "You are bad at this game" and start doing the robot.

 

 

...Actually that'd be pretty cool. But I digress. We're talking psychological warfare people. The UN would frown upon our tactics - but those prissy a** nay-sayers don't understand the gravity of multiplayer gaming. Just like in a real fight, if you wanna win... you gotta be dirtier than the other guy.

Work the jab
Snide little remarks aren't gonna knock out an opponent, but like a jab in boxing they get a measure of your opponent and work away at their defences, wearing them down. Embellish your successes and dismiss any failures.
If you win two in a row, wonder out loud how many you've won now, as you have lost count. The number must be massive. I'd say at least a googol or three. (1 followed by 100 zeros. Not to be confused with a popular method of finding adult material via the internet.)
If you lose, immediately dismiss it as a "You can't win them all" and inspect your probably faulty controller.

Now for the exact opposite of what I just said!
If you win, pretend to be disappointed and dissatisfied with your poor performance.
You only won by 7 kills when it was first to ten?! For shame. You expected better from yourself - and it's not like your opponents desrved those 3 kills as you are such a superior player.
If they manage to somehow defeat you, be impressed. *Very* impressed. Wow! How did such an average player beat the mighty likes of yourself? Surely you must be in like, the top three Guitar Hero players in the universe and they've just found out there's an orange button too? That's like...

 

 

In-game offensive
Sure, making them cry AFTER matches is good, but you also want to work away at them *during*. The old, yet still effective useage of "Why you using throws" in Street Fighter or "Predator again aye?" in Far Cry is always good. Insinuating the only way they can win is by being "cheap" is a good method of insinuating your opponent's inferiority.

Enjoy yourself while playing. When someone's b****ing it means they're losing and aren't confident they'll win. Don't be that person.

If you're playing split-screen and winning by a decent margin, feel free to muck around a little. Go blow up a truck or something. Give away your location. Or even better drive the truck off a cliff or something. You don't mind losing a kill to a suicide, you're ineviteably going to win anyway!

If the win matters enough, don't be opposed to being annoying. Got a sniper rifle? Refer to yourself as the "Sniper King", mentioning how good you are with a sniper rifle. Make up a "sniper King" theme song, and every time you get a kill, sing it. Trust me, it gets old. FAST. Don't mind being called "cheap"? Then BE CHEAP. Nothing more irritating than losing to 3 repeated moves.
Us older players all remember the ever-popular "Hadouken, hadouken, hadou, shoryuuuuken!"

Ok, so maybe you'll get beaten up. Or your friends won't want to play that game ever again with you. Or you'll get beaten up AND your friends will never play that game with you. And maybe set you on fire.
But if winning is important, and winning isn't guaranteed... then maybe you should fight a little dirtier. Sure, a low-blow is cheap. But would you rather lose or walk away with a victory and your bits and pieces in tact?

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