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Set your faces to "WTF?!"

Published: Tue 26 Aug, 2008 | 24 Comments
Tags: House-wide Wrestling Federation, teenage boys touching each other, Cool Boarders 2

Prepare to judge me, harshly - for I am about to divulge my dark and shady past. No I have not danced erotically for money, never touched drugs or family members. (UberCuber's family members on the other hand...)
What I am about to reveal is much, MUCH worse.

*deep breath*

...I backyard wrestled. I'm not talking those crap fake punches with your mates on the trampoline, followed by a slow motion suplex - I'm talking real BACKYARD WRESTLING.

We had (bad) storylines, (worse) characters, (cardboard) belts... the whole make-believe deal.
For two years EVERY weekend, we'd get together, build a makeshift "ring" out of timber and outdoor furniture - and touch each other.

 

 

K, so it wasn't questionably homoerotic at the time. However it was an absolute obsession.
I remember not being able to sleep because I was thinking of moves and combinations. I know what you're thinking...

"Hey, Foxy - why were'nt you staying up thinking about the ladies?"

 

Did you not hear me? OBSESSION. That, and the Viard girls weren't what you'd clasically term as "attractive".

 

'Twas an obsession - and a dangerous one at that. Thankfully none of us were ever *seriously* hurt.
The odd winding, nose bleed, hurt ankle - we were pretty fortunate. Oh, and I almost forgot my two wrestling-related concussions. Two? Yeah, I think so. ...I forget.
But looking back - it was pretty crazy. How crazy? Ultimate Warrior crazy.



"Dig your claws into my organs! Stretch into my tendons! Bury your anchors into my bones! For the power of the Warrior will always prevail"

"Load the spaceship with the rocket fuel! Load it with the warriors! Full of the juice to carry the spaceship as far as it wants to go!"

^That's pretty freakin' insano. But luckily like chatter rings, sharing drinks and Pokemon we grew out of it after college and survived to (shamefully) tell the story.

So yes, I used to wrestle. I was the Madman. My finishing move was the Mirage, and I was an HWF champion.

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