Rumour Monkey #17

By Daniel Needham

Set us up the bomb! The monkey is loose yet again!

Under the Boardwalk down by the sea, on a blanket with my baby that’s where I’ll be.

Well in about five weeks anyway. Yes that’s right Monkey is going on vacation, ready to tear up the cities of Sydney, Surfers Paradise and Cairns, so this could potentially be the penultimate column before the big trip away; but never fear, I have something big planned for next week’s column, loyal readers.

Now, ever since Texas Hold Em’ was released on Xbox Live on Wednesday all I’ve ever found myself doing this week was games of strip poker. But to me it’s not about winning or losing, as I like to flaunt it quite often, in my own perverted monkey-style which you humans would know nothing about, no-no.

But the main problem I see with this is the fact that Microsoft is releasing their very own camera for the console. Now I consider myself an exhibitionist, but the thought of people going online and potentially sharing all of my saucy, yes I am oh so saucy, pics with people around the globe is mind boggling, and the worst thing about it is the fact that I won’t make any profit from this!

I mean come on a Monkey gotta get paid!


Rumour: EA is currently planning on developing and releasing a new title for the Road Rash series

Background Info: An article in a UK PS2 magazine, stating that EA are planning to bring back the series.

Monkey Says: Ahhh, the good old days of playing some Road Rash, just like my days of cab driving in South Auckland. I remember this one time some fella tried to get in my cab with a souvlaki, well did he cop it with the 12 inches of wood. I even hit him with a baseball bat too. But anyway I’m sure EA would like to spawn more success off of the series, and god knows EA will make a game if it will earn them the dollar bill.

Monkey’s Confidence: 8/10 Bananas – Get ready to live out all your sadistic driving fantasies.

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Rumour: Microsoft planning an extension to their online marketplace

Background Info: In addition to bringing one of my writers the free Poker download, I infiltrated Microsoft HQ, and jumped around a few times on the bouncy castle to see what I could find out…

Monkey Says: If I’m correct, which I almost always am (say that three times fast) I overheard conversation stating that Microsoft may bring in bigger additions to their online music and movie downloads. Now for instance this month one of the artists of the month is Audioslave, with the single The Original Fire. Now imagine if you could download their whole album or even just singles you wanted off a particular album! From what I’m gathering this is what Microsoft is/are intending to do.

Monkey’s Confidence: 5/10 Bananas – May not see the light of day in little old New Zealand, but would still be a novel idea and could prove highly successful in a big market.

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Rumour: The World of Warcraft series is to receive an expansion pack at least every year for the foreseeable future.

Background Info: Comments from Blizzard COO Paul Sams regarding expansions and additions to the series.

Monkey Says: Now I’m not that much of a PC gamer, as the only PC I’ll ever need is a C64 baby! But I can still see why people get hooked to it because it’s just like life really. One guy battles for a sword only to have another guy defeat him and take his sword, it’s just like when the cops took my illicit porn goddamnit! But as a hugely popular franchise, WOW will need to keep re-inventing itself to keep distance between it and the competition.

Monkey’s Confidence: 9/10 Bananas – Expand WOW, and fly, fly my pretties!

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Now that’s it for another edition of the Rumour Monkey, a little abridged I know, but hey I’m planning something big for the next edition. Until then read that column that my writer writes, something about Sony and sands of time? Who cares anyway as I’m number one on the NZG charts, until next time touch yourself, before other people do.

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